Estabond my son we didn't have a fare chance with one another did we? know this though I have always loved you, and you are my only true family along with your two auntys and uncle grand mother whom watches us both from up above is heavenly love. My nights are not the same without you by my side, holidays , mothers day , trips to the park or museums , diffrent places for us to make our mark taking pictures of your first step, first word , I missed out on alot and it's a shame that one person can make a decision on un-known. facts. Family abonded us ineed because there all for themselves perdicting what's right and how your so wrong. should you only call your loved ones in a time of need or when a tradgedy occurrs in the family ? which haves you thinking to your innerself why didnt I keep in touch being to busy with your own life work , social living , relations , people some time mis lead the word family because weither you have a good great and depend on them kind of family or dangerous , stab you in the back family they are still family , as for mine ever individual taught be alot about family morals , lies, deciet , regret, loving yourself for you - you know we are all srrounding my advertisment in your looks the car you drive the makeup you put on the weight you gain from all those delicious foods having you trapped for more until you look at yourself and decide to take the easy way out with a pill or going under the knife. Instead of re directing yourself outside from everyself. solid ground isn't easy to grasp when your to busy trying to catch up with everyone esle instead being you , some say when I write I scatter my thoughts everthing has to be in order says who real people know what I'm talking about, and hey if they don't to bad my road is my road lol when it comes to my inner flow's . it's been a while sence I've written down anthing kept my emotions sealed tight not because I am frighten of letting them out but because who gives a fxxk going through eposodes of not being in control of ones actions and the consequences of a broken heart a mingeled tangeled soul . Mother I miss you and I am not going to pretend that your absence isn't far to much to bare I have cried so many nights realizing theres more of those to come, at the same time I remember and hear you saying or plans together must move on Yes things have changed but your in a wonderous place and I see your face in my sisters and brother in my own reflection your first born and I love you no man could ever fill the love in my heart you are a queen I can't express it enough you are a queen a shimmering star from the heavens. And i thank you for being real with me for all those heart to heart real talks , for the glamourous laughs we shared , for the pictures we took together we may not be run way models but then again says who lol ''you feel me'' Meaning each time I laugh I think of you and your beauty what a women you are . which has me going back to my son I feel like I hardly know him and that erks me inside to know he isn't where he should me but like you mother you always found and fought by any means the right way of course I am a warrior and will fight for you ESTABOND you will be with me your mother and together will be our happy ending I love you son I really do and you may not know that now but you will because god is going to rejoin us to eath other again oh yes I know he is . Hes the greatest the best of the best and our tears we shed have not gone unseen or heard hold on my child MOMMY isn't giving up no way no how no matter what anyone says my determination is fearse yes it is . TO BE CONTINUED